Long Shot (2019). Charlize Theron can make anything short of Aileen Wuornos sexy, so she already has an advantage, but in this movie she actually got to be fun and not just One of the Most Gorgeous People Alive. When she and Seth Rogen are finally about to get it on she says, “I want you to fuck me from behind and slap my ass really hard,” which shocks him so thoroughly that he almost stops having sex. After he recovers, she seamlessly follows up with, “We’ll do exactly what you were imagining, and then you turn me around, slap me on my ass and choke me a little bit.” I think everyone in the theatre came.

Black Swan (2010). Have you ever been eaten out by someone so effectively that you forget that someone is your work nemesis? That’s essentially the plot of Black Swan. Sure, it would have been nice for the roles to have gone to two non-straight women, but I’m not going to ignore the impact it had on every guy friend I’ve ever had.

Hustlers (2019). Until Jennifer Lynn Lopez wins her Oscar for this role, I will not know peace. Her pole dance to “Criminal” to open the film is the epitome of hot, empowered sex appeal. Who knew that bedazzled captain’s hats could be regal? I don’t have the arm strength to do real pushups let alone spin myself around on a pole. If Christian Bale gaining and losing weight can get him nominations, then having her abs at age 49 most certainly deserves the academy’s blessing. Call me when Leo has waxed his asshole for a role.

Us (2019) I did not go into this movie expecting to be turned on for even a moment, but then Winston Duke gets into bed and tries to pose sexily for his wife (Lupita Nyong’o, who is a little busy being deeply freaked out). Fight me on this one if you want, but there is something about a husband trying to set the mood for his wife while wearing an old college sweatshirt and pajama shorts that is S-E-X-Y. (I’m willing to concede that something might be Winston Duke’s thighs.)